Funniest Commercials Ever!
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Here Ye Here Ye!
Gather round students of EAS for the dire hour of oppression
is upon us once more. Late in to the wee hours of the night, I composed this
draft and message communicating to my fellow students of El Dorado the cry of
the meek and humble. My superior masters have not approved this small letter
and they shall use all their powers to contain it. I fear a scourge is upon us,
children of the womb, for we are plagued by a dastardly evil that is very real
and among us today. I speak of those that “say” they are helping us gain
knowledge, but in fact use us and impede our progress. Our TEACHERS. Not all
are guilty of this crime, but we must be weary of the supreme leaders of the
circle, I shall not name them for fear of my life, but I must announce my
disgust with their emperor and mastermind, the one they call…Michael Waters and his sidekick, Malicious Malone.
Legend tells that even at a very young age, Waters desired wealth and power.
Some tell stories of when a group of soldiers passing through a village,
harassed him and waters, with the strength of a 1000 men in each arm, hurled
them into the abysmal hole of the marianna trench. Since then, he journeyed
through the lands looking for his destiny, slaying dragons and sea creatures
along the way, and met up with his trusty steward, Malicious Malone who is said to be the meanest man in the land. Together, armed with his witt and Malones dreadful jokes, they laid waste upon the land. Finally at last he arrived upon the humble village of Placerville
and looked up to the heavens and gazed upon the wonderful castle of El dorado.
Overcome by greed and rage from which was not his, he launched himself against
the castle and overcame the king and smote his ruin upon the mountainside. Then
he launched his masterful campaign and took control over the humble school of El
Dorado. He hired in secret his evil cohorts and accomplices and ever since then,
he has been terrorizing the students with his iron grip and dreadful English
assignments, drowning the students with floods and torrents of papers and
essays. Legend tells of the day in which a heroic knight shall arrive at EAS
and wage war against this evil. Some say he is already among us, other say he
is a false prophet. There are those who call him REL or in the Latin
translation, evils bane. And now I
must leave you at the turn of the tide, I fear my time has come as a senior to
meet my maker. I pray that you shall pass this knowledge on and give hope unto
the freshman, so that they shall tell the ones that come after them the true
story of our fate. Stay vigilant, and do not forget the true story of the
Raging Waters…
Anonymous…
I am Awesome
By: Mr. Waters
I have always believed that people should be proud of their accolades and shouldn’t hide their “metaphorical” light under the “proverbial” bushel. So I am just going to say I am amazing at Wizard Ball. Some people can heal the sick, some are extremely musical. I have the gift of the divine. Like the famous mages of old, like the reign of Merlin and Gandalf, I have fantasy powers that others can only gawk at.
I hate to brag, but my fantasy basketball skills are above and beyond the other peons in my league. I joined a Wizard Ball Guild in the fall of 2012, and soon I will rise above these other minions and join the ranks of the great fantasy warriors of all time. The apprentices in my league will scatter when my greatest warriors defeat their puny, defenseless underlings on the court. Every week my hit points get higher and higher. Soon I will level up and be the best fantasy wizard in my guild. Even though this is my first year in control, I will soon be invincible!
So Reyes the Sophomoric, Jacob the junior apprentice, Chris of Engelage, and Hamil the Grey, beware of my powers! You may offer trades or sacrifices in order to best my elder skills, but you shall not pass! You may fear me and you may envy me, but you will never defeat me. This season will be your personal reign of terror – and I will not rest until my hoard of athletic denizens wipes out every pestilent roach that you believe will help you become a true Wizard.
Tyreking Havoc (Aka Mike Waters – Future fantasy basketball champion) signing off.
Poetry with Malone
Peanut butter and jelly,
the way you fill my belly,
you make me feel happy,
sometimes i get clappy.
whether wheat bread or white,
either morning or night,
I could never sell ye,
peanut butter and jelly
-Robert Malone
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